I’m sat on the end of my bed in the room I’ve been renting from a lady called Amy in her family home for the past 13 months. I gave notice that I was considering moving out of her home at the end of the year but things have progressed quickly as I’m due to go away and won’t be back until after my next rent payment would be due… its a long winded story but basically, I’m packing to move out at the end of next week!
The plan was to move in with my new boyfriend in the new year. We’ve only been together a few months so this is fast by normal standards (whatever those are). I’ve practically lived at his place anyway to be honest I’m plain wasting money on the rent for this room, but it’s MY room… MY front door… MY bed… MY bread in the freezer that’s all the food I have here. I can come and go as I please, I can leave my clothes strewn across the room, I can sit and eat my peanut butter on toast for dinner, in my pants, on my yoga mat and watch some crap on my iPad (I know, just missing the cat!). I have no-one to answer to and don’t have to talk to anyone if I don’t want. Yes this all silly stuff that is barely any different at his, but it’s mine, and it’s taken me a long time to establish this weird little lifestyle.
I have a complete fear of sharing my life with someone and have since my last break up really. It was a big one; I’d shifted my entire life 225 miles to make that one work and it didn’t (which isn’t a bad thing – trust me!), so I spent some time getting back to me, finding my own feet and discovering my new world all over again. Two years I was just me, accountable for myself and no-one else. Easy-peasy (ish).
I guess I have to get used to being happy at the hands of someone else… let down those walls and those barriers. And he does make me happy, and he loves me and supports me and we make a great team. We have the same interests and a long list of goals that near enough match up the whole way down to ‘eco house’… but I’m an independent little brat sometimes and I do hope I don’t bugger this up too for just that reason.
There is another side to being all established little woman on my own independent little mission; that double bed could get lonely, I would miss missing someone and having someone excited to see me. I definitely wanted someone to make all of my wonderful travel plans a reality and share that experience with! I have that now.
I guess you have to take risks! If it doesn’t work out, you had the experience, you had the laughs and the fun and the lessons. We’re fortunate for everything and everyone we encounter. Life doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle, and it gives you everything you need exactly when you need it. Time to take my own advice;
Trust the journey.